Sue Scheff: Gangs

Source: Connect with Kids

“Usually I know guys paralyzed for life…sipping through straws.”

– “Jose”, 19

He doesn’t want to reveal his name. We’ll call him “Jose”. He was 12 when he joined a gang. Jose says, “I’m looking at them like, ‘Do I really want to do this?’ And they’re like, ‘If you’re going to do it you’ve got to say yes, you don’t think about it.’”

Saying yes meant a three-minute beating from four older gang members. He says, “They only give you three chances to fall down. After the third one, you got jumped for being stupid.” He didn’t fall down. He was beaten and bloody, but he made it into the gang.

Police say at first, gangs hide the crime and violence from their new recruits. Corporal Edward Campuzano, a gang officer with the Cobb County Police Department in Georgia says, “To them it’s one big party. What they don’t realize a lot of times, is that it might be like that at the beginning, but if you stay focused on that gang and you progressively get older, you’re progressively required to do other things and start committing crimes and start giving back to that gang.”

He says parents should explain to kids that “giving back to the gang means” fighting, stealing, and killing people. Corporal Campuzano says, “That’s when it doesn’t become appealing to them and they try to get out, and they can’t get out because now they have to take what is known to them as a beat out.” It’s a beating to get out of the gang. Jose says, during the beating, gang members could use any weapon but a gun. Often kids die….others barely live. Jose says, “Usually I know guys paralyzed for life…sipping through straws.”

So Jose left the gang, but he was never “beat out.” Now, and maybe forever…he is forced to hide.

Jose is 19-years-old. He never finished school, never learned to control his temper, and has been fired from several jobs. That’s why he’s hoping his story will keep others out of a gang.

Tips for Parents

Gangs are the new mafia, and their organization systems resemble traditional Cosa Nostra operations. Gang crime runs the spectrum of offenses, including underage drinking, extortion, prostitution, drug manufacturing and distribution, and murder. National gang organizations, with infamous names like Bloods, Crips and Latin Kings, often send trusted lieutenants to cities across the country to establish local chapters, called “sets.” Consider the following:

■Gang violence is not an urban problem or a rural problem, nor is it a problem for any one economic class – it is a community-wide problem.
■In 2002, youth gangs were active in over 2,300 cities with populations over 2,500.
■Over 90 percent of large cities (population over 100,000) in the United States reported gang activity between 1996 and 2001.
■There are more than 750,000 gang members nationwide.
■Ninety-five percent of hard-core gang members drop out of high school, and most range in age from 12 to 24.
■The media’s dissemination of gang culture and a restructuring of the economy (unemployment, increases in the urban underclass, etc.) are cited as major factors in the rise of gangs during the ‘90s.
A street gang occurs when three or more people share a unique name or display identifiable marks or symbols (e.g. tattoos, clothing styles, colors, hairstyles, graffiti) and associate together on a regular basis, often claiming a specific location or territory. A gang will have an identifiable organization or hierarchy, and a typical gang will engage in antisocial, unlawful or criminal activity in an effort to further the gang's social or economic status. Such behavior can be carried out either individually or collectively.

Risk factors for gang membership include individual characteristics, family conditions, problematic parent-child relations, low school attachment and academic achievement, peer group influences, prior and/or early involvement in delinquency (especially violence and drug use), association with peers who engage in delinquency, community context, and disorganized neighborhoods where many youth are in trouble. Often, a gang provides young members with comforts society and/or family fails to give them. A gang can morph into the child’s parental unit and also his/her sibling. Gangs can provide a sense of belonging, security and economic opportunity. Unfortunately, most monies are generally attained through crime.

Gender-mixed gangs are becoming more common. Years ago, females were considered property of gang members. Today, some gangs are initiating females as full-fledged members. Estimates indicate between 25 and 33 percent of all youth gang members are female. Consider the following:

■Police see gang recruitment directed toward students as early as elementary school.
■A survey of nearly 6,000 eighth-graders in 11 cities found that 11 percent were currently gang members, and 17 percent said they had belonged to a gang at some point in their life.
■Gang members are far more likely than other delinquents to carry guns and, perhaps more importantly, to use them.
■Research has consistently shown that adolescents are significantly more criminally active during periods of active gang membership.
■Gangs are showing increased sophistication. For example, hard-core gang members are shying away from wearing gang colors or getting symbolic tattoos, knowing school and police authorities will recognize such signs.
Kids often participate in gang activities without their parents’ knowledge, and children can become interested in gang activity as young as elementary-school age. As a parent, it is important to be aware of the warning signs that could indicate your child’s interest in gangs. This is a partial list of those signs, compiled by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services:

■Your child suddenly begins performing poorly in school
■He/she doesn't attend school regularly
■He/she becomes disinterested in extra-curricular activities or family events
■He/she has negative contact with the police
■He/she writes the name of a gang in graffiti, or you find gang symbols in his/her notebooks or in his/her room
■He/she has problems at home
■He/she has gang tattoos
■He/she has friends who are in gangs
■He/she dresses in gang clothing
As a parent, you can play a huge role in helping your child feel accepted, important, worthy and loved – the feelings he/she seeks. For instance, if you continually skip meetings with teachers or don’t attend your child’s team games or extracurricular activities, your child may begin to feel unwanted or underappreciated, increasing the risk that he/she will seek approval elsewhere. Experts at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services have developed a list of other tips to help you minimize the chances of your child joining a gang:

■Get to know your child's friends, how they influence him/her and what they do when they're together. Discourage your child from hanging out with gangs.
■Spend your free time with your child. Give him/her chores to do around the house or enroll him/her in after-school activities, sports, and community center or church programs.
■Stress the value of an education and motivate your child to do well in school.
■Develop good communication skills with your child. Good communication means that it's open, frequent and positive. This will allow your child to express himself or herself and confide in you.
■Find positive role models for your child.
■Plan activities for the entire family, such as trips to parks, libraries, museums or the beach. Give your child attention!
■Give your child some one-on-one time – your undivided attention.
■Don't let your child wear clothing that resembles gang wear. It might attract attention from the wrong people.
■Set limits and rules for your child. From an early age, let him/her know what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Enforce a curfew. Don't let him/her hang out until all hours of the night.
■Don't let your child write or draw gang-like graffiti.
■Get involved in your child’s education. Go to his/her school, get to know his/her teachers and attend parent-teacher events.
■Learn about gangs and gang activity in your community. Get educated!

References
■Faith and the City
■Gang Resistance Education And Training
■Know Gangs
■Michigan State University
■The National Youth Gang Center
■U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
■The Nawojczyk Group, Inc

Sue Scheff: Connecting with your Preteen

Source: KidsHealth.org

Connecting with Your Pre-Teen

Staying connected as kids approach the teen years and become more independent may become a challenge for parents, but it’s as important as ever — if not more so now.

While activities at school, new interests, and a growing social life become more important to growing kids, parents are still the anchors, providing love, guidance, and support.

And that connection provides a sense of security and helps build the resilience kids needs to roll with life’s ups and downs.

What to Expect
Your preteen may act as if your guidance isn’t welcome or needed, and even seem embarrassed by you at times. This is when kids start to confide more in peers and request their space and privacy — expect the bedroom door to be shut more often.

As difficult as it may be to swallow these changes, try not to take them personally. They’re all signs of growing independence. You’re going to have to loosen the ties and allow some growing room.

But you don’t have to let go entirely. You’re still a powerful influence — it’s just that your preteen may be more responsive to the example you set rather than the instructions you give. So practice what you’d like to preach, just preach it a little less for now.

Modeling the qualities that you want your preteen to learn and practice — respectful communication, kindness, healthy eating, and fulfilling everyday responsibilities without complaining — makes it more likely that your son or daughter will comply.

What You Can Do
Small, simple things can reinforce connection. Make room in your schedule for special times, take advantage of the routines you already share, and show that you care.

Here are some tips:

•Family meals: It may seem like drudgery to prepare a meal, particularly after a long day. But a shared family meal provides valuable together time. So schedule it and organize it just as you would any other activity. Even if you have to pick up something pre-made, sit down together to eat it. Turn off the TV and try to tune out the ringing phone. If it’s impossible to do every night, schedule a regular weekly family dinner night that accommodates kids’ schedules. Make it something fun, and get everyone involved in the preparation and the cleanup. Sharing an activity helps build closeness and connection, and everyone pitching in reinforces a sense of responsibility and teamwork.

•Bedtime and goodnight: Your child may not need to be tucked in anymore, but maintaining a consistent bedtime routine helps preteens get the sleep needed to grow healthy and strong. So work in some winding-down time together before the lights go out. Read together. Go over the highlights of the day and talk about tomorrow. And even if your preteen has outgrown the tuck-in routine, there’s still a place for a goodnight kiss or hug. If it’s shrugged off, try a gentle hand on the shoulder or back as you wish your child a good night’s sleep.

•Share ordinary time: Find little things that let you just hang out together. Invite your preteen to come with you to walk the dog. Invite yourself along on his or her run. Washing the car, baking cookies, renting movies, watching a favorite TV show — all are opportunities to enjoy each other’s company. And they’re chances for kids to talk about what’s on their mind. Even riding in the car is an opportunity to connect. When you’re driving, your preteen may be more inclined to mention a troubling issue. Since you’re focused on the road, he or she doesn’t have to make eye contact, which can ease any discomfort about opening up.

•Create special time: Make a tradition out of celebrating family milestones beyond birthdays and holidays. Marking smaller occasions like a good report card or a winning soccer game helps reinforce family bonds.

•Show affection: Don’t underestimate the value of saying and showing how much you love your preteen. Doing so ensures that kids feel secure and loved. And you’re demonstrating healthy ways to show affection. Still, preteens may start to feel self-conscious about big displays of affection from parents, especially in public. They may pull away from your hug and kiss, but it’s not about you. Just reserve this type of affection for times when friends aren’t around. And in public, find other ways to show that you care.

A smile or a wave can convey a warm send-off while respecting boundaries. Recognize out loud your child’s wonderful qualities and developing skills when you see them. You might say, “That’s a beautiful drawing — you’re really very artistic” or “You were great at baseball practice today — I loved watching you out there.”

•Stay involved: Stay involved in your preteen’s expanding pursuits. Getting involved gives you more time together and shared experiences. You don’t have to be the Scout leader, homeroom mom, or soccer coach to be involved. And your child may want to do more activities where you’re not in charge. That’s OK. Go to games and practices when you can; when you can’t, ask how things went and listen attentively. Help kids talk through the disappointments, and be sympathetic about the missed fly ball that won the game for the other team. Your attitude about setbacks will teach your preteen to accept and feel OK about them, and to summon the courage to try again.

•Stay interested: Stay interested and curious about your preteen’s ideas, feelings, and experiences. If you listen to what he or she is saying, you’ll get a better sense of the guidance, perspective, and support needed. And responding in a nonjudgmental way means your child will be more likely to come to you anytime tough issues arise.

Sue Scheff: Program Helps Youth with ADD/ADHD

Drop Your Reins – Learn to TrustPeaceful Solutions for ADHD/ADD & Autistic Children Using Natural Horsemanship

Founded and run by Danielle Herb, Drop Your Reins is a holistic training school based in Live Oak, FL. From direct interaction with horses to supplemental training videos the program uses Natural Horsemanship For Kids helps guide the powerful minds of ADD/ADHD and Autistic children to reach their greatest potential while maintaining their innocence and purity.

Horses are amazing because they are sentient animals that mirror our personalities as well as our fears. –Danielle Herb

The old model of parenting and training horses, still being used by many today, is to break their spirit into submission to get them to do what you want. They are repeatedly worn down until the end result is unhappy, unhealthy kids and horses.

Are you curious about how horses can help humans learn to communicate more effectively, build inner self-esteem and outer confidence? By partnering with horses, we create an experiential learning environment that invites open communication, personal reflection, and increased self-awareness. Find out more about this “horse stuff” by joining us for a short, complimentary, introductory demonstration of this truly amazing learning process!

We begin each demo with introductions, to each other, to horse assisted learning and to horse behavior. Next, we partner with our four-legged friends to give you an opportunity to experience, first-hand, an on-the-ground (non riding) Drop Your Reins experience. Following the exercise with the horses, we take time “debrief” or talk – seeking to help identify assumptions and belief systems, increasing understanding and awareness. There’s also time to answer questions about how we can collaborate to help you reach your families development or personal growth goals.

Learn More here: http://dropyourreins.adsonvids.com.au/

Sue Scheff: Keeping Your Kids Safe Online

For those that know me know that this topic is very important to me. I believe safety for our kids is priority, however we need to remember all of us need to be educated to online safety! This is a time when both parents and kids need to take the time to learn about what lurks in cyberspace - how to protect your identity, your family, your privacy and yourself. Not to mention your virtual reputation.

Wired Moms is is an online community of people that are dedicated to keeping our kids, and all kids, safe online. This site is your virtual back fence - a place where you can come and meet with other moms to share stories and learn different ways to navigate through the latest technologies that our kids seem to know intuitively. Register today, stay involved, meet new people and have fun at the same time. Visit http://wiredmoms.com/ today!

Wired Safety is headed by Parry Aftab (also a volunteer), a mom, international cyberspace privacy and security lawyer and children’s advocate. Parry is the author of The Parent’s Guide to Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace (McGraw-Hill), which has been adapted and translated around the world. WiredPatrol volunteers range in age from 18 to 80. WiredKids range from seven to twelve, and the Teenangels from 13 to 18, and these programs are run in conjunction with WiredKids.org, also headed by Parry Aftab. WiredSafety backgrounds include everything from TV personalities, teachers, stay-at-home moms, retired persons, law enforcement officers, and students to PhD’s and writers.

From Wired Safety for Parents:

Parents need to understand that the greatest risk our children face online is being denied access. The Internet is essential to our children’s education, future careers and lives. But even the most experienced Internet user doesn’t understand how children use the Internet and how to help them have a safer and more enjoyable surfing experience.

Visit http://www.wiredsafety.org/parent.html for great questions and answers from Parry Aftab.

Sue Scheff: Parent Empowerment

By Vanessa Van Petten

WHAT DO KIDS DO WHEN PARENTS ARE OUT

Last week I went over to a client’s house and was working with her on the time management lesson of my program. We were looking at her school planner and slotting in her homework and project schedule. I noticed that for Tuesday night she had highlighted, added stickers and highlighter smiley faces.

“Is it your birthday?” I asked.“No, it’s the night of the 8th grade parent meeting at school!” She replied.“Um, you get that excited for a parent meeting?” I questioned.“Silly, we love parents night because the entire 8th grade can get online and watch videos and hang-out together, we have to make sure I get my homework done on Monday night!”

I am sure, that High School’s parents have no idea that the whole grade not only looks forward to parent meetings like birthday celebrations, but also that they class is bonding and throwing an online party in their respective homes across the city. (She let me blog about this, as long as I keep my promise not to share the school’s name.)

I think, this is a good thing actually:

-It makes them get homework done early
-It helps them bond with each other
-They are all at home, their really rebellious move is to video chat with, gasp, more than two people at once while mom and dad are out.

-The online environment has allowed for an outside of school recess. (I have many posts about how technology has blurred the lines between home, school and social life and this can be a very negative thing, so I want to have at least one article where it is good!)
-They encourage their parents to be involved. Because everyone wants to be able to go to the online party, kids are now encouraging their parents more than ever to join those committees, and attend meetings to stay informed…hey the schools need all of the help they can get!

I asked my teen advisory council and interns what they do when their parents are out, here are some of the answers, listed in order of popularity (there was a very long tail on this one of some very random activities–some of which I chose to include, some of which I left out).

1) YouTube Videos
2) Talk on the phone
3) Text
4) Raid the kitchen
5) Go on AIM/Skype/iChat
6) iTunes and/or listen to music
7) Watch TV/Movies
Invite friends/boyfriend/girlfriend over
9) Play video games
10) Masturbate
11) Prank phone calls
12) Go out
13) Look through parents room/desk/siblings room
14) The same thing I do when they are home
15) Homework

As you can see, it varies. A lot of the time, you can just ask them and they will tell you. Or show them this post and see if they find any of the answers surprising.

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Touching Teens: Hugs, Hand Holding and Non-Sexual Cuddling

Sue Scheff: Teens and Drug Abuse

Every day in our schools and communities, children are teased, threatened, or tormented by bullies. To help care for our youth, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA) developed webpages and resources (print and online) that serve can as useful tools to parents, educators, and everyone with today’s children, teens and tweens.

• About Bullying http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/15plus/aboutbullying.asp
• Systems of Care http://www.systemsofcare.samhsa.gov/
• National Strategy for Suicide Prevention http://nmhicstore.samhsa.gov/suicideprevention/pubs.aspx
• National Suicide Prevention Initiative http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/cmhs/nspi/

These sites offer parents, caregivers, educators, and other professionals a great opportunity to know the facts, recognize signs and symptoms, and access easy to read tips on how to talk to children about mental health. These resources can help caregivers build healthier, safer environments and support anti-bullying initiatives.

For additional information on this topic and more, or to order resources at no cost, please call the SAMHSA hotline at 1-877-SAMHSA-7 or visit http://www.samhsa.gov/shin/.

Sue Scheff: More Parents Are Talking with Their Teens About Cough Medicine Abuse

Washington, D.C. (May 4, 2009) — The Consumer Healthcare Products Association (CHPA) applauds the latest nationwide survey results showing that more parents than ever are addressing over-the-counter (OTC) cough medicine abuse with their teens.

The Partnership/Metlife Parents Attitude Tracking Study (PATS) indicates that 65 percent of parents are talking to their teen about the dangers of using OTC cough and cold medicine to get high, up from 55 percent in 2007. PATS-Parents 2008 is a nationally projectable survey of 1,004 parents of children in grades 4-12 and was conducted by the Partnership with major funding from MetLife Foundation.

“We know that parents play a critical role in keeping their kids drug-free,” said Linda A. Suydam, president of CHPA. “It is great news that more and more parents are exercising that power and talking to their kids about cough medicine abuse just as they would about any substance abuse behavior.”

The latest PATS-Parents results show an 18 percent increase in parent-teen conversations about cough medicine abuse. This was the single highest increase in all categories examined in the survey.

“The data are encouraging, since we know that kids who learn a lot from their parents about the risks of drugs are up to 50 percent less likely to ever use drugs,” said Steve Pasierb, president of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Nationwide statistics from the National Institutes of Health’s Monitoring the Future study show a slight overall decline in teen cough medicine abuse. ”That is one of the reasons the Partnership is so committed to helping parents have these important conversations with their teens.”

CHPA works with the Partnership and other interested organizations on a number of initiatives targeting teen cough medicine abuse. All of the association’s efforts can be found on http://www.stopmedicineabuse.org/. The site provides additional information on talking to teens about substance abuse issues, free pamphlets for parents in both English and Spanish, easy access to downloadable materials for community leaders, the initiative’s recently launched Facebook fan page, a new widget containing automatically updated information, the award-winning Five Moms Campaign, and much more.

“Our member companies are steadfast in their commitment to prevent teen cough medicine abuse. But we know that our work is far from over. With the help of such partners as the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, the Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America, and D.A.R.E. America, we will continue our efforts to make sure all parents are aware of this substance abuse behavior and most importantly, talking with their children about it,“ remarked Suydam.

About PATS-Parents 2008The Partnership/MetLife PATS study is an in-home, anonymous survey conducted for the Partnership and MetLife by deKadt Marketing and Research with a margin of error of +/- 3 percent. For more information and the full PATS Parents report visit http://www.drugfree.org/.

Contacts: Mimi Pappas and Virginia Cox202.429.9260

Sue Scheff: Self Defense and Teens

Source: TeensHealth

SELF DEFENSE

You’ve seen it in movies: A girl walks through an isolated parking garage. Suddenly, an evil-looking guy jumps out from behind an SUV. Girl jabs bad guy in the eyes with her keys — or maybe she kicks him in a certain sensitive place. Either way, while he’s squirming, she leaps into her car and speeds to safety.

That’s the movies. Here’s the real-life action replay: When the girl goes to jab or kick the guy, he knows what’s coming and grabs her arm (or leg), pulling her off balance. Enraged by her attempt to fight back, he flips her onto the ground. Now she’s in a bad place to defend herself — and she can’t run away.

Many people think of self-defense as a karate kick to the groin or jab in the eyes of an attacker. But self-defense actually means doing everything possible to avoid fighting someone who threatens or attacks you. Self-defense is all about using your smarts — not your fists.

Use Your Head

People (guys as well as girls) who are threatened and fight back “in self-defense” actually risk making a situation worse. The attacker, who is already edgy and pumped up on adrenaline — and who knows what else — may become even more angry and violent. The best way to handle any attack or threat of attack is to try to get away. This way, you’re least likely to be injured.
One way to avoid a potential attack before it happens is to trust your instincts. Your intuition, combined with your common sense, can help get you out of trouble. For example, if you’re running alone on the school track and you suddenly feel like you’re being watched, that could be your intuition telling you something. Your common sense would then tell you that it’s a good idea to get back to where there are more people around.
De-Escalating a Bad Situation
Attackers aren’t always strangers who jump out of dark alleys. Sadly, teens can be attacked by people they know. That’s where another important self-defense skill comes into play. This skill is something self-defense experts and negotiators call de-escalation.
De-escalating a situation means speaking or acting in a way that can prevent things from getting worse. The classic example of de-escalation is giving a robber your money rather than trying to fight or run. But de-escalation can work in other ways, too. For example, if someone harasses you when there’s no one else around, you can de-escalate things by agreeing with him or her. You don’t have to actually believe the taunts, of course, you’re just using words to get you out of a tight spot. Then you can redirect the bully’s focus (”Oops, I just heard the bell for third period”), and calmly walk away from the situation.
Something as simple as not losing your temper can de-escalate a situation. Learn how to manage your own anger effectively so that you can talk or walk away without using your fists or weapons.
Although de-escalation won’t always work, it can only help matters if you remain calm and don’t give the would-be attacker any extra ammunition. Whether it’s a stranger or someone you thought you could trust, saying and doing things that don’t threaten your attacker can give you some control.

Reduce Your Risks

Another part of self-defense is doing things that can help you stay safe. Here are some tips from the National Crime Prevention Council and other experts:

Understand your surroundings. Walk or hang out in areas that are open, well lit, and well traveled. Become familiar with the buildings, parking lots, parks, and other places you walk. Pay particular attention to places where someone could hide — such as stairways and bushes.
Avoid shortcuts that take you through isolated areas.

If you’re going out at night, travel in a group.

Make sure your friends and parents know your daily schedule (classes, sports practice, club meetings, etc.). If you go on a date or with friends for an after-game snack, let someone know where you’re going and when you expect to return.

Check out hangouts. Do they look safe? Are you comfortable being there? Ask yourself if the people around you seem to share your views on fun activities — if you think they’re being reckless, move on.

Be sure your body language shows a sense of confidence. Look like you know where you’re going and act alert.

When riding on public transportation, sit near the driver and stay awake. Attackers are looking for vulnerable targets.

Carry a cell phone if possible. Make sure it’s programmed with your parents’ phone number.
Be willing to report crimes in your neighborhood and school to the police.

Take a Self-Defense Class

The best way — in fact the only way — to prepare yourself to fight off an attacker is to take a self-defense class. We’d love to give you all the right moves in an article, but some things you just have to learn in person.

A good self-defense class can teach you how to size up a situation and decide what you should do. Self-defense classes can also teach special techniques for breaking an attacker’s grasp and other things you can do to get away. For example, attackers usually anticipate how their victim might react — that kick to the groin or jab to the eyes, for instance. A good self-defense class can teach you ways to surprise your attacker and catch him or her off guard.

One of the best things people take away from self-defense classes is self-confidence. The last thing you want to be thinking about during an attack is, “Can I really pull this self-defense tactic off?” It’s much easier to take action in an emergency if you’ve already had a few dry runs.
A self-defense class should give you a chance to practice your moves. If you take a class with a friend, you can continue practicing on each other to keep the moves fresh in your mind long after the class is over.

Check out your local YMCA, community hospital, or community center for classes. If they don’t have them, they may be able to tell you who does. Your PE teacher or school counselor may also be a great resource.

Sue Scheff: Texting and Cell Phones with Teens

Love Our Children USA is an organization that educates you on protecting our children. I was privileged to be introduced to their Cyberbullying Spokesperson while on The Rachael Ray Show. This non-profit organization continually helps many families by not only reaching out to them, but keeping parents up to date on how to keep your children safe and keeping you informed of today’s adolescents and these new activities such as texting and sexting. Well, semi-new activities - to many of us, texting is still foreign, however these kids have their fingers going a mile a minute.

THE ISSUE:Every year over 3 million children are victims of violence and almost 1.8million are abducted. Nearly 600,000 children live in foster care. Every day1 out of 7 kids and teens are approached online by predators, 1 out of 4kids are bullied and 42% of kids are cyberbullied.

THE SOLUTION: PREVENTION! Getting to the root of the cause through education and changing behaviorsand attitudes. Loving and nurturing children. Stopping Violence BEFORE itstarts — creating happy and healthy children … Keeping Children Safe

CELL PHONE AND TEXT MESSAGING SAFTEY

Source: LoveOurChildrenUSA

Who is text messaging you? If your friends, family and parents are the only ones sending you text messages — than that’s cool! They should be the only people who are texting you!

To be safe, you should not give anyone but your close friends and family your cell number. Do not give out personal identifiable information, such as real full name, addresses, phone numbers, photos, descriptive information from which this information could easily be found (like a picture of you in front of a recognizable place, or a photo referring to your sports team by name or by wearing something with identifying information in a photo.)

If you text message people other than your family and close friends, you could be texting people who can cause you harm.

And, it’s not uncommon for bullies to use cell phones to harass other kids and, tragically, it’s not unheard of for kids to be contacted on their cell phone by adult predators.
You wouldn’t text a stranger and give them all of your information and let them know what school you go to — would you?

By using common sense and maintaining your privacy when using your cell phone and text messaging you stay safe from online predators and cyber bullies.
What To Do If Strangers Or Bullies Text You?

REPORT IT immediately! To your parents, a trusted teacher and the police!
No one has the right to bully you! And no stranger has the right to text you!

For more information click to read:BullyingBullying At School Bullying …

Through The Eyes Of A Victim Bullying: What Have I Ever Done To You

Stop Bullying CyberbullyingOnline Safety For Kids and TeensCell Phone and Text Messaging Safety Miss Teen New Jersey International 2007 Stand Against Bullies

Sue Scheff: Teens Driving While High

Everyone fears drinking and driving and the danger it can cause, today we need to add driving while high (smoking pot) and how your instincts are diminished to the point that it could cause accidents and worse. Learn more now.

Source: Connect with Kids

“Pot is the sneakiest of drugs because it takes out your functioning. It decreases reaction time. It messes up judgment. It messes up driving,”
– Steven Jaffe, MD, psychiatrist

For a young driver, there are so many dangers: speed, ego, inexperience and another often ignored danger: drugs.
“I think it’s very irresponsible and it could lead to a lot of dangerous accidents. It’s just as bad as driving drunk – quite possible even worse,” says 17-year-old Allison Meisburg.

Researchers from the University of Montreal studied the habits of 83 male drivers. They found that nearly 20 percent have been high behind the wheel.

“…and I would estimate at least two or three times that number have been in the car in which the driver was stoned,” says Dr. Steven Jaffe, a psychiatrist, who specializes in substance abuse issues.

“[Driving while high] is not as bad as drinking and driving, but it is still bad of course, because you know your reflexes are delayed and all that jazz,” says 16-year old Justin.
Experts say teens simply don’t realize the dangers.

It’s hard to believe, but some kids believe pot helps them driver better.

“They really think they do,” says Dr. Jaffe. “But they don’t. They really don’t. They don’t realize they are impaired. Pot is the sneakiest of drugs because it takes out your functioning. It decreases reaction time. It messes up their judgment. It messes up driving.”
Dr. Jaffe says parents should adopt a zero-tolerance attitude. Remind your kids that pot is a mind-altering drug and not to ride with drivers who are high on any drug. Then, remind them of the consequences.

“The biggest consequence would be you run into another on-coming car during traffic and you kill them and yourself. That’d be the biggest consequence,” says Reggie, 17.
Dr. Jaffe concurs. “It only takes one time to kill yourself and kill somebody else.”

Tips for Parents

According to government studies, nearly 11 million Americans, including one in five 21-year-olds, have driven while under the influence of illegal drugs. Young adults don’t consider driving while high to be as dangerous as driving while under the influence of alcohol, according to John Walters, director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy. Therefore, his office is starting a campaign warning teens about driving while smoking marijuana. Concentration, perception, coordination and reaction time can all be affected for up to 24 hours after smoking marijuana, Walters said.

So how can you determine if your teen has been using drugs, namely marijuana? The experts at the National Institute on Drug Abuse suggest looking for these trouble signs in your teen. He/she may:

Seem dizzy and have trouble walking
Seem silly and giggly for no reason
Have very red, bloodshot eyes
Have a hard time remembering things that just happened
Seem very sleepy or groggy (after the early effects fade, sleepiness may occur)
In addition to these signs, parents should also be alert to changes in any of the following:
Behavior, such as withdrawal, depression, fatigue, carelessness with grooming, hostility and deteriorating relationships with friends and family
Academic performance, including absenteeism and truancy
Loss of interest in sports or other favorite hobbies
Eating or sleeping patterns
Also be on the lookout for:
Signs of drugs and drug paraphernalia
Odor on clothes and in bedroom
Use of incense and other deodorizers
Use of eye drops
Clothing, posters, jewelry, etc., promoting drug use

References
National Institute on Drug Abuse
Parents. The Anti-Drug.
Office of National Drug Control Policy
University of Montreal

Sue Scheff: Arguing with Teenagers: Don’t Take the Bait

I absolutely love this website for all parents and guardians raising kids. Not to mention educators that work with kids. This article is particularly interesting since I was a parent that took that bait! Oh, hindsight is great!

Source: PowerMomsUnite

It’s a popular phrase in my house: “Don’t take the bait.” We have variances on it including “don’t be a fish,” “some one is fishing,” and the most popular “looks like you’re going to land a big one.” With 5 kids in the house, several of who are close in age, they joke, tease, and well, see who can get a rise out of whom. A product of an only child family, I was deeply disturbed by this behavior when they were younger. I lecturing about home being a sanctuary and that no one was to be teased ever! I have come to accept that as a family with ADHD, and maybe every family has this to some degree- boredom breeds a little teasing/ poking/ fishing. The nature of the teasing has changed- due to my insistence that relationships be nurtured and that personal attacks are harmful- its rarely name calling or about a person’s attributes or personality- because that gets you in a time out and period of service for the offended- but rather the teasing is simply irksome prankish behavior designed to get your goat- like slowly delivering a fork to a sibling, as they wait at the table staring at a warm brownie covered in melting ice cream or getting in the bathroom before a sibling and then taking their time to brush their teeth as the time to leave for the bus approaches. I think every family with more than 1 child has something going on like this….

What I had not expected is to forget to take my own advice. Yesterday, my 13-year-old landed a big one- his mother. Amid a discussion about how he chose to react to sibling’s behavior, my 13-year-old erupted with the statement, “ Mom you always pick favorites- I know he is your favorite.” Before I knew it, I was defending my response to the sibling; instead of addressing the 13-year-old’s behavior. I became so angry that I walked away before I said something I did not mean. (While that is important to do when you feel out of control- it also ended the engagement.) It was masterful- he had managed to completely derail me, and escape reflection on his own behavior….

I had forgotten my golden rule of managing teenagers, prepare for being baited or having your buttons pushed. Don’t take the bait, always have your unemotional response ready to keep the conversation on track. On one of my better days I would have said, “ I am sorry you see it that way, you need to apologize to your brother for your part of the disagreement.” I would have repeated that statement regardless of what he said in response. Teenagers, and well any child will find your weak spot and exploit it, when they feel pinned into a corner. As parents it is our job to control our responses and be ready, even when we are not at our best.

After I cooled off, I circled back with my cool, “ I love you. You need to apologize to your brother for your part in the disagreement.” He stomped his feet and slammed a door- but he apologized to his brother and even added “what can we do to fix this between us- “ It ended in laughter between both brothers and as the 13 year old and I processed our disagreement later, we laughed at the big one he had landed.

Visit www.powermomunite.com for more information and leave comments! Do you have helpful tips? Take a moment to share with others.

Sue Scheff - Parent Choices

Local Therapy:

Local therapy is a good place to start with children that struggling at home and school. To locate a local therapist, it is beneficial to contact your insurance company for a list of adolescent therapists in your area. If you don’t have insurance when calling therapists, ask them if they accept sliding scales according to your income. Check your yellow pages for local Mental Health Services in your area or ask your Pediatrician or Family Doctor for a referral.

Military Schools and Academies:

Military Schools have been around for over a hundred years. Many parents are under the misconception that Military Schools are for at risk children. Military Schools are a privilege and honor to attend and be accepted into. Your child must have some desire to attend a Military School. Many children believe Military Schools are for bad kids, however if they visit a campus they may realize it is an opportunity for them. Many parents start with a Military Summer program to determine if their child is a candidate for Military School.

Military Schools usually do not offer therapy, unless contracted on the outside of the school. They offer structure, positive discipline, self-confidence, small class sizes and excellent academics. Military Schools can build a student’s self-esteem; motivate them to benefit their future both socially and academically.

Traditional Boarding Schools:

Traditional Boarding Schools are like Military Schools, in which your child will have to want to attend and be accepted into the school. There are many excellent Boarding Schools that offer both academics and special needs for students. Many specialize in specific areas such as fine arts, music, and competitive sports. In most cases, therapy is not offered unless contracted on the outside.

Therapeutic Boarding Schools (TBS):

Therapeutic Boarding Schools offer therapy and academics to students. Usually the student has not done well in a traditional school and is making bad choices that could have an effect on their future. Although many of the students are exceptionally smart, they are not working to their ability. Sometimes peer pressure can lead your child down a destructive path. Removing them from their environment can be beneficial to them to focus on themselves both emotionally and academically.

Christian Boarding Schools:

Christian Boarding Schools and Programs for struggling teens offer therapy and academics. They have a spiritual foundation that can assist a child to better understand Christianity as well as bring them closer to a Higher Power. Many offer Youth Groups and activities that can create life skills for a better future. A program with a Christian setting may enhance a child’s better understanding of the world today.

Residential Treatment Center (RTC):

Residential Treatment Centers, similar to a TBS, offer therapy and academics. However Residential Treatment Centers are for children that require more clinical support. Their issues are more specific with substance abuse, eating disorders, self-mutilators, and other behavioral issues.

Summer Programs:

Summer programs are a great place to start if your child is beginning to make bad choices or losing their motivation. Finding a good summer program that can build self-confidence can be beneficial to student’s prior starting a new school year.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information and a free consultation.

Sue Scheff: Stop Bullying Now!

Kids today, both teens and pre-teens, can be extremely mean and cause emotional issues to their target. What can parents do? Read more about how you can help stop bullying.

Source: Stop Bullying Now!

What Can Adults Do?

Welcome to the Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now! adult pages. As an adult, one of best ways you can help stop or prevent bullying is to be educated about, and sensitive to, the issue. Bullying is NOT a rite of passage - an undesirable, but sometimes unavoidable, reality of growing up. Rather, bullying is a serious public health issue that affects countless young people everyday. Further, research shows that the effects of bullying can last well into adulthood. Whether you are a concerned parent, an educator or school employee, a health and safety professional, or someone else who works with children, there are many things you can do to help.

Sue Scheff: Parentings Teen and Medicine Abuse

I feel this topic is so important, that I am posting another Blog Post on it with a bit more information. Many parents fear their teens are involved in substance abuse (whether it is pot or crack) - but what you need to remember is many of the drugs can be located in your own home. Cough medicine, sleeping pills, prescription drugs (meant for other family members, etc). Take the time to learn more.

Source: StopMedicineAbuse

Recent studies among middle and high school aged kids across the country show a disturbing form of substance abuse among teens: the intentional abuse of otherwise beneficial medications, both prescription (Rx) and over-the-counter (OTC), to get high.

Teens who learn a lot about the dangers of drugs from their parents are half as likely to abuse drugs.

According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, one in five teens reports having abused a prescription drug to get high. Where OTC medicines are concerned, data from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America indicate that one in 10 teens reports having abused OTC cough medicines to get high, and 28 percent know someone who has tried it.

The ingredient the teens are abusing in OTC cough medicines is dextromethorphan, or DXM. When used according to label directions, DXM is a safe and effective ingredient approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and is found in well over 100 brand-name and store-brand over-the-counter cough medicines. When abused in extreme amounts, DXM can be dangerous.

StopMedicineAbuse.org was developed by the leading makers of OTC cough medicines to build awareness about this type of substance abuse behavior, provide tips to prevent it from happening, and encourage parents to safeguard their medicine cabinets. Substance abuse can touch any family: The key to keeping teens drug-free is education and talking about the dangers of abuse.

Sue Scheff: ADHD and Teen Help

Source: ADDitude Magazine

How can parents best help their ADHD teens? Sometimes, stepping back to allow for some independence (and mistakes) is more important than enforcing discipline and structure on young adults with attention deficit.

I saw Donny for an ADHD evaluation shortly after his eleventh birthday. Like many parents, his mother, Christine, reacted to diagnosis of her adolescent son with mixed feelings: sadness that he was not perfect and that the attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) wouldn’t go away - and concern about the implications for Donny’s future.

She hoped that the treatment plan we devised - a combination of academic accommodations, therapy, and ADHD medication - would improve their day-to-day lives. Mostly, she was determined to do whatever was necessary to help her son.

Christine became the boy’s champion, protector, and advocate - getting him the ADHD teen help he needed.

She coordinated with Donny’s teachers, school counselors, soccer coaches, piano teachers, and the parents of his friends to make sure that they understood his needs and treated him fairly. She attended IEP meetings and helped shape his academic plan. Morning, homework, and bedtime routines were established to structure life at home.

The bottom line? Donny thrived.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/720.html

Sue Scheff: Teenage Acne

Johanna Curtis is a licensed skin care professional and has written articles on how teen acne can affect a teens self esteem and more importantly how she can help. Visit http://www.teenage-acne.net/ for more great informational articles, Blogs, and her suggestions to help you help your teen look and feel their best. Building self esteem can help your teen make better choices.

Source: Johanna Curtis

95% of teenagers in American suffer from acne. The effects of this common problem can be truly devastating. It isn’t just the scars that are left by a bad case of teenage acne; there are many emotional effects as well. Some of which can follow you for life!

Whether it’s right or wrong, we teach our children that the way we look matters. With this societal dogma come many issues when, as a teen, you cannot look your best. With the blemishes that come with acne, many teens experience self esteem issues. These issues may range from being mildly self-conscious to a complete withdrawal from the world. There are actually many emotional issues that come from our need to look our best combined with a case of acne.
Some of the more common issues that result from teenage acne include:

Reduced Self-Confidence
Social Dysfunction
Frustration
Poor Self Image
Embarrassment
Clinical Depression
Problems with Anxiety
Facial Scaring

The reality of it is that even a mild case of acne can greatly affect the way you live. A few simple blemishes can leave you feeling completely self conscious. For those with more severe cases, they often face ridicule which leads to shame and embarrassment.

With all of this it brings us to the main question:

What can be done for teenage acne?

Luckily there is an answer.

A teenage acne solution that will work where other teen acne medications have failed! Before we talk about the real solution, let’s talk about traditional acne treatments. Likely you have tried some of these products, and it’s very likely you found that they simply didn’t perform to your expectations.

Sue Scheff: Talking to Your Teens

I hear all the time how parents can’t talk to their teens, or should we say, can’t get our teens to listen. In many situations it is how we as parents approach our teens. It seems like a game, but the end result is worth it. Opening up the lines of communication can be critical in today’s teen generation. Here is a great tip list from Shoulder to Shoulder.

Source: Shoulder to Shoulder

When talking with teens, keep the following in mind:

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE APPROACH.

Don’t blast teens with “20 questions” when they first walk in the door. Catch them when they are genuinely ready to talk. However, you may have to create that moment by going out for ice cream, taking a bike ride or working on a project together.
If you’re upset with your teen, you can’t solve a problem effectively. Give yourself some time to cool down before addressing the issue.
Keep the situation in perspective. It’s normal for teens to push the boundaries. Let them experience how to question what they see, and to develop skills in reasoning with you. That way, they will learn to think for themselves to deal with peer pressure and other teen issues.

ARE YOU READY TO TALK?

Avoid telling teens “this is how it’s going to be.” Be respectful by asking for their perspective of the situation - and really listen to them. Try to find a solution together.

Pose your questions as open-ended questions instead of yes-no questions.

Don’t accept “I don’t know” as a response. Instead try, “Tell me how you see it.”

Tell a joke or humorous story to relieve a tense situation, but don’t make fun of teens. Their self-esteem can be fragile.

Don’t solve problems for them. Our teens will not be living with us forever. To let them grow, we should look for opportunities for them to make their own decisions.Get right to the point and be clear about your concerns. Explain why you feel the way you do, and then describe what you want or need in the future. Be ready to listen to what your teen needs, too.

If you already know the answer, don’t ask the question. For example, if you clearly disapprove of your teen’s outfit, don’t ask, “What are you wearing?!” Instead, you might try, “I’m concerned about that outfit. It’s revealing and I don’t want others to get the wrong idea about you. Please choose something else.”

Teens know they can wear down most adults with sheer repetition and persistence. When a discussion has reached the “wheel spinning” point, end it. To continue is to ask for trouble, as frustration may cause things to be said that we’ll regret.

Listen up. If teens see us as adults that will not listen to them, they will stop talking to us. Force yourself to listen. If necessary, count to 100 before responding and avoid giving unwanted advice or lecturing.

Tell them often how much you love them.

PRINTABLE VERSION FOR DOWNLOAD

You’ll need Adobe Acrobat Reader to view the following PDF version of this section. If you don’t already have the program, you can download it for free here.Talking with teens.pdf

Sue Scheff: Teenage Depression

Teen low self esteem can lead to teen depression. Author Gary Nelson has written a most compelling story of his journey with his son and family dealing with teen depression in his new book.
Read his recent post - that can help many parents take a moment to pause and consider their own teens and how they are feeling.

Source: Dr. Gary Nelson - Author of “A Relentless Hope, Surviving Teen Depression’

Depression hides under a lot of rocks, including “low self-esteem.” It is truly amazing how many different ways depression can hide and fail to be recognized for what it is - a potentially very dangerous illness that can wreck and even take the lives of teens and adults. Many times I’ve listened as a pastoral counselor and pastor as teens have told me that they believed for a long time that they had suffered from “low self-esteem.” In most cases that meant they had been suffering from depression but never knew it. They and others around them simply thought they had “low self-esteem.” That also means the teen went all that time suffering instead of getting the necessary help. Learn to look under the rocks. When you hear a teen say they just suffer from “low self-esteem,” take a closer look. You might just lead them toward the help they need.

For more information on teen depression check my website: http://www.survivingteendepression.com/

My new book, “A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression” is available at Amazon and other outlets.

Sue Scheff: Pumping Up The Teen Brain - SPARK

Researchers are finding that exercise can not only keep you fit, but make you smarter. A school in Illinois has developed a program that gets students moving and learning. Debbye Turner Bell reports.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4764808n

Visit http://www.pe4life.org/ for more great information.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Your Teens Online

This is a very interesting article that will make parents think when safety trumps privacy - do you suspect your teen or tween is posting disturbing photos or communicating with questionable others? As a parent is is our responsibility to help keep our kids safe online. Having open lines of communication can help tremendously and helping them to understand the consequences of unflattering posts is critical.

We will spy on your teen’s website for you

More and more worried parents are resorting to using data-tracking services to keep up with what their teenagers are doing on the internet, writes Siobhan Cronin

Source: Independent.ie

Irish parents are the best in Europe at monitoring their kids on the internet. However, their kids are the least likely of all European children to turn to mum or dad for advice when something happens to them online.
These were the results of a recent survey by the European Commission into internet supervision by parents.
While our parents might be good at keeping tabs on their kids, cyber bullying is still on the increase, sometimes with tragic results.
Cork girl Leanne Wolfe’s horrific tales of bullying were revealed in her diary, days after her death by suicide last year.
Her sister later told of the nasty text messages and vicious internet entries which led Leanne to take her own life.
It is real-life stories like Leanne’s which have led thousands of American parents — and now a few hundred Irish ones — to resort to using a service that will keep tabs on what their children are reading, and uploading, on the web.
But it’s not just bullying that worries parents. Unfettered access to the web for our kids has also meant open access to them from anyone who is ‘roaming’ around in cyberspace.
This has led some parents to take the ultimate action — spying on their own children.
The founder of Reputation Defender, Michael Fertik, has been called to justify his online service: “Would you like to know your 16-year-old daughter is putting pictures of herself wearing only a bra on the web? Yes. People are not born with good judgment and it rarely develops by 15,” he says.
But another defence of Fertik’s service is, he claims, the prevalence of web bullying.
“When we were at school, we wrote mean notes to each other but you threw the piece of paper out the next day — now it’s on the internet wall forever,” he says.
Fertik’s solution, MyChild, scours the internet for all references to your child — by name, photography, screen name, or social network profiles.
For about €9.95 per month, the ‘online spy’ will send you a report of what your child has posted on the worldwide web.
Its approach is unashamedly tapping into parents’ paranoia: “Worried about bullies? Concerned that your teens’ friends and peers are posting inappropriate materials online,” the site asks.
Fertik, who says he has a “few hundred” Irish customers already, says his company grew out of a need to protect online privacy.
“Young people do the same things that they always did,” he points out. But now it’s on a wall on a web page. The internet is like a tattoo parlour.”
The firm, which started in his apartment in Kentucky, and now employs 65 staff servicing 35 countries, brought in revenues of $5.5m (€4.3m) this year.
He insists there is no “hacking” involved. His staff go through legitimate channels, but are simply better trained in the ways of teenage internet usage than most parents.
“We always encourage the parent to get the password — we don’t want to be spying on kids,” he adds.
One of the things that often causes concern among parents is the practice of their own lives being discussed on a website. “These things have always been discussed by children, but now it’s up there for everyone to see. Things like: ‘My parents are fighting’ or ‘I think they are going to get a divorce’.”
In pre-web days, we all had very intimate conversations with our peers about our home lives — either in person, or on the phone. Now it’s all on the internet, Fertik notes.
Once the offending material is identified, Reputation Defender can delete it, on the instructions of the parent, whether it involves comments, photographs or videos posted on social-networking sites, or on chat rooms or forums.
The service has become so popular that the company now offers packages to adults to manage search engine results, ‘reputation’ for career purposes, and general ‘privacy’ — so that you can stop sites selling your personal information to others.
But that very privacy is the reason that children’s rights organisations around the world have come out strongly against the practice.
Michael McLoughlin of Youthwork Ireland, which provides support and youth services for over 40,000 young people, says that while there may be some justification of the service for younger teens, this could become somewhat blurred when dealing with children of 16 or 17 years of age.
“At that stage in their lives they should really know what they are doing themselves,” he says. Youthwork Ireland is currently preparing guidelines for youth workers dealing with online bullying. “We try to tool them up on social networking, and try to improve the safety aspects.”
The ISPCC agrees that children need to be made aware of the risks of online networking. However, National Childline Manager Margie Roe says that while parents need to respect privacy and maintain trust, they also need to police their children if they think they might be in any danger.
“If a parent is concerned about their child, they have a right to protect them,” she says.
“They need to be careful they don’t damage the trust between them and their child, but if they feel their behaviour is in anyway unusual, or their child is disappearing a lot, then it could be justified.”
This would be particularly relevant if parents are concerned their children might be making plans to hook up with people they have only met online, says Margie.
Michael Fertik is adamant that he is not doing anything ethically wrong.
“If a kid is 18 or older, we won’t do it. Parents who are signing up for this feel they don’t know how to keep up with their kids and they don’t understand Facebook or Bebo.”
He says the children themselves have mastered the art of ‘multiple’ personalities, in order to make discovery of their sites more difficult, but Reputation Defender is on their case.
However, even Fertik’s own ’solution’ can be subject to unsavoury interference. The system flags a query when the last name of the parent does not match the child’s, prompting further requests from the applicant, before they are given information on the child’s use of the web.
Fertik’s attitude appears to be that online surveillance is now a necessary evil in our modern world.
“There is no medical privacy for kids, no legal privacy. We are not suggesting they shouldn’t be allowed use the internet, but it’s like driving a car — you want to make sure they know how to drive first.
“We are not spying on someone else’s kid. It’s a new day, the internet brings new threats, and we need new armour.”
- Siobhan Cronin

Depressed Teens and New Years Resolution by Gary Nelson

Teens suffering from depression and related illnesses like anxiety and bipolar disorder find it very difficult to even make New Year's resolutions, let alone keep them. Depression and its relatives very quickly tend to overwhelm teens. When faced with the idea of change depressed teens often see a mountain so huge that it seemingly can never be climbed or chiseled slowly into a molehill. They quickly feel overwhelmed and often respond with some thought or statement like, "It's too big. I'll never be able to do it... so why bother to even try." The teen then falls deeper into their pit of despair. One of the first things that the depression "steals" from the depressed teen is their ability to take large, seemingly impossible tasks and break them into smaller, manageable pieces. Most of us take this ability for granted and practice this making of mountains into manageable molehills everyday. Depressed teens want to change. They want healing. They just don't see a way over the mountain. The depression has them hog-tied, leaving the teens looking like they're just lazy and don't "want" to try. These depressed teens need help, not judgement. They need hope. For more information on this and other aspects of teen depression check out my new book, A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression. If you have a teen who is struggling you might also want to check out Sue Scheff's new book, Wit's End.

Sue Scheff: Challenging High School Dropouts

Years ago, most of us would never consider dropping out of high school. Today more and more teens are anxious to reach 16 years old (age of majority in most states to withdraw from high school). Parents should be concerned about this, many more teens are getting GED’s and diploma’s are not their priority. Years ago, GED’s were frowned upon - and only those with extreme exceptions would get a GED. Now it seems more and more are falling back on this option. Take a moment to read this article with parenting tips to help your teen graduate from High School with a diploma.

Source: Connect with Kids

Expectations are a very important tool in trying to improve performance. If you don’t set goals, you won’t feel bad, but neither will you achieve high goals.”

– Randall Flanery, Ph.D., psychologist

Nationally, 70 percent of students graduate on time with a high school diploma. That leaves 30 percent struggling to finish and often dropping out of school. Many school districts have found innovative ways to keep these kids in class.

Kids fall behind in school for lots of reasons.

“I was never paying attention in class because I was just distracted, hanging around with friends,” says Jose, 17.

“More than half the time I’d still be stuck, like ‘wait a minute, I still don’t’ understand this.’ And when I’d go home and do the homework I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t understand the material,” says Jennifer Smith, 18.

If they fall too far behind, some kids will just give up.

“I was just waiting to turn 16, get out of high school, and I don’t know from there,” says Jose.

A study from Columbia University has confirmed an idea that many school districts have been experimenting with for years: if you challenge potential dropouts with tougher class work, they’re not only more likely to graduate, but to go on to college as well. Experts say it’s all about setting expectations.

“Expectations are a very important tool in trying to improve performance. If you don’t set goals, you won’t feel bad, but neither will you achieve high goals,” says Randall Flanery, Ph.D., psychologist.

“It does not take a long time before these kids see they are making good grades, they’re going on college field trips. You see a lot of incentives there. They are doing fun things so it is okay to be smart. They have the potential and they just really need that boost,” says Barbara Smith, eastern division director, AVID Program.

Expectations and incentives give students who really want it a second chance.

“Now I’m actually trying to graduate, to go to college — at least a technical school … and get a little degree in something,” says Jose.

“Just keep at it. Like the old saying, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,’” says Smith.


Tips for Parents

Schools need to establish relationships with various health and social agencies in their communities so students with disciplinary problems who require assistance are readily referred and communication lines between these agencies and schools are established. (The American Academy of Pediatrics, AAP)

Students and their families should be encouraged by school staff members to access health care and social services.

A full assessment for social, medical, and mental health problems by a pediatrician (or other providers of care for children and youth) is recommended for all school-referred students who have been suspended or expelled. The evaluation should be designed to ascertain factors that may underlie the student’s behaviors and health risks and to provide a recommendation on how a child may better adapt to his or her school environment. (AAP)

Matters related to safety and supervision should be explored with parents whenever their child is barred from attending school. This includes but is not limited to screening parents by history for presence of household guns. (AAP)

Pediatricians should advocate to the local school district on behalf of the child so that he or she is reintroduced into a supportive and supervised school environment. (AAP)

References
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)

Sue Scheff: Teens Smoking - Anti Smoking Advocacy

Source: Connect with Kids

“It’s bad for your health and if you smoke, you’re going to get lung cancer. I doubt that there’s 5 percent of kids out there who haven’t already heard that message. That in and of itself is not enough to influence or change their behavior.”

– Andy Lord, American Cancer Society

Two years ago, when Ashley was 17, her mother discovered cigarettes in her daughter’s coat pocket.

“My reaction of course was total shock,” says Ashley’s mother, Sylvia Haney.

Ashley recalls, “And she’s like, ‘What is this? Cigarettes!’ And she’s like, ‘Why are you smoking?’”

But instead of giving her daughter a long lecture, Haney had her join an anti-smoking program called “Youth in Charge.”

“It’s a youth empowerment group [that] lets other youth know the dangers of big tobacco companies, and the manipulation and lies of the big tobacco companies,” says Ashley.

Research has shown that teen smokers who get involved in an anti-smoking program like the one Ashley joined are nearly 40 percent more likely to quit, compared to teens who only received lectures.

“You can lecture, but I can guarantee you it’s going to go in one ear and out the other,” says Ashley.

Experts say the key is to have kids do their own research, find out on their own about the dangers of tobacco, so they learn it firsthand and can tell other kids.

And when they do that, “they draw their own conclusions,” says Andy Lord, with the American Cancer Society. “And at the end of the day when kids draw their own conclusions, they do have ownership of that information. They do feel a revelation, and they do in turn want to go and share that with other folks.”

Ashley adds, “Smoking or using tobacco can kill more than AIDS and HIV, auto accidents, illicit drugs, murders, rapes and suicides combined. I don’t know why you’d want to do it.”

Experts say parents can contact their branch of the American Cancer Society to find a youth anti-tobacco program in their area. For many teens, it is worth discovering. The group’s effect on Ashley was profound.

“Most definitely I will not pick up another cigarette,” she says.

Tips for Parents

Research shows that a vast majority of smokers began when they were children or teenagers. While recent legislation has helped reduce smoking, it still remains an important health concern. Consider the following statistics from the U.S. Surgeon General:

Approximately 80 percent of adult smokers started smoking before the age of 18.

More than 5 million children living today will die prematurely because of a decision they make as adolescents – the decision to smoke cigarettes.

An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new smokers were younger than 18. This boils down to every day, 3,000 young people under the age of 18 becoming regular smokers.

Nearly all first uses of tobacco occur before high school graduation.

Most young people who smoke are addicted to nicotine and report that they want to quit but are unable to do so.

Tobacco is often the first drug used by young people who use alcohol and illegal drugs.
Among young people, those with poorer grades and lower self-image are most likely to begin using tobacco.

Over the past decade, there has been virtually no decline in smoking rates among the general teen population. Among black adolescents, however, smoking has declined dramatically.
Young people who come from low-income families and have fewer than two adults living in their household are especially at risk for becoming smokers.

Encourage your child to join an anti-smoking group and support him/her in kicking the habit. If you are currently a smoker, you should also try to stop. Children look to their parents for support and strength; taking the anti-smoking journey alongside your child can be a huge benefit. In addition to attending the meetings, The Foundation for a Smoke-Free America offers these suggestions:

Develop deep-breathing techniques. Every time you want a cigarette, do the following three times: Inhale the deepest breath of air you can and then, very slowly, exhale. Purse your lips so that the air must come out slowly. As you exhale, close your eyes, and let your chin gradually drop to your chest. Visualize all the tension leaving your body, slowly draining out of your fingers and toes -- just flowing on out. This technique will be your greatest weapon during the strong cravings smokers feel during the first few days of quitting.

During the first week, drink lots of water and healthy fluids to flush out the nicotine and other toxins from your body.

Remember that the urge to smoke only lasts a few minutes, and then it will pass. The urges gradually become further and further apart as the days go by.

Do your very best to stay away from alcohol, sugar and coffee the first week (or longer) as these tend to stimulate the desire for a cigarette. Also, avoid fatty foods, as your metabolism may slow down a bit without the nicotine, and you may gain weight even if you eat the same amount as before quitting. Discipline regarding your diet is extra important now.

Nibble on low calorie foods like celery, apples and carrots. Chew gum or suck on cinnamon sticks.
Stretch out your meals. Eat slowly and pause between bites.

After dinner, instead of a cigarette, treat yourself to a cup of mint tea or a peppermint candy. Keep in mind, however, that in one study, while 25 percent of quitters found that an oral substitute was helpful, another 25 percent didn't like the idea at all – they wanted a clean break with cigarettes. Find what works for you.

Go to a gym, exercise, and/or sit in the steam of a hot shower. Change your normal routine – take a walk or even jog around the block or in a local park. Get a massage. Pamper yourself.
Ask for support from coworkers, friends and family members. Ask for their tolerance. Let them know you're quitting, and that you might be edgy or grumpy for a few days. If you don't ask for support, you certainly won't get any. If you do, you'll be surprised how much it can help.
Ask friends and family members not to smoke in your presence. Don't be afraid to ask. This is more important than you may realize.

On your “quit day,” remove all ashtrays and destroy all your cigarettes, so you have nothing to smoke.

If you need someone to talk to, call the National Cancer Institute's Smoking Quitline at 1-877-44U-Quit. Proactive counseling services by trained personnel are provided in sessions both before and after quitting smoking.

Find a chat room online, with people trying to quit smoking. It can be a great source of support, much like a Nicotine Anonymous meeting, but online.

Attend your anti-smoking meetings. If there are no meetings in your city, try calling (800) 642-0666, or check the Nicotine Anonymous website link below. There you can also find out how to start your own meeting. It's truly therapeutic to see how other quitters are doing as they strive to stop smoking.

Write down ten good things about being a nonsmoker and ten bad things about smoking.
Don't pretend smoking wasn't enjoyable. Quitting smoking can be like losing a good friend – and it's okay to grieve the loss. Feel that grief.

Several times a day, quietly repeat to yourself the affirmation, "I am a nonsmoker." Many quitters see themselves as smokers who are just not smoking for the moment. They have a self-image as smokers who still want a cigarette. Silently repeating the affirmation "I am a nonsmoker" will help you change your view of yourself. Even if it seems silly to you, this is actually useful.

Here is perhaps the most valuable information among these points: During the period that begins a few weeks after quitting, the urge to smoke will subside considerably. However, it's vital to understand that from time to time, you will still be suddenly overwhelmed with a desire for "just one cigarette." This will happen unexpectedly, during moments of stress, whether negative stress or positive (at a party, or on vacation). Be prepared to resist this unexpected urge, because succumbing to that "one cigarette" will lead you directly back to smoking. Remember the following secret: during these surprise attacks, do your deep breathing and hold on for five minutes; the urge will pass.

Do not try to go it alone. Get help, and plenty of it.

References
American Cancer Society
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Foundation for a Smoke-Free America
Nicotine Anonymous